last words of a mad man

... earth is a nice place to visit, but I
wouldn't want to live here

... I have been watching a series of videos
of Prabhupada, giving lectures throughout
his lifetime in America

... he was asked a question concerning a
man who claimed he wasn't afraid to die

... Prabhupada just said he was a madman,
and not to give any credence to him

... well, I am that man who is not afraid
to die, and I guess I am that madman

... as I see it, there are some real flaws
in the Krishna Consciousness movement,
some things which I cannot accept personally.
First, is the lack of simple living and
quiet lifestyle. They are busy building
fancy temples, and holding big festivals,
and riding around in cars, which to me,
goes against my inner spiritual nature.
I like things quiet and peaceful, extremely
simple. Small cabins, gardens, and a quiet
contemplative life.

... I guess if you do not have to do field
work, you have excess energy for festivals
and temple building

... one thing I noticed in many of the
Prabhupada videos, is the bhaktas in
the audience show great unhappiness in
their faces, that worries me. Why so
many glum expressions if they have found

... I also wonder where all the money
comes from for these fancy temples?
There are many monastic orders out there,
and hardly any of them exhibit wealth.
Many in India claim that the American
Krishna Consciousness movement is CIA
funded, because of its anti-communist

... do not get me wrong, I am very
grateful to Prabhupada for revealing
the truth to America about the Supreme
Consciousness, but something in the
movement has gone wrong.

... but, I am a mad man, give me no credibility

... Why you might ask am I not afraid to die?

... I should have been born on a strict
Amish farm, or something similar. I would
have been happy plowing my fields with
horses or even oxen, with my wife making
bread in the kitchen.

... what do I have now? A rat race society,
with dirty air, water, and polluted oceans.
I have no wife, as she would rather be in
a city, living off of the war machine.
I am alone, and have to bake my
own bread, and struggle to get fresh
vegetables from the giant supermarkets
which provide chemical-laden foods.

... when I feel sick, I just lay down and
ask the angel of death to take me to a better

... even though I don't fear death, I'm
not entirely suicidal, as I will duck
when bullets fly my way

... are these the thoughts of a mad man?

... I'm a peace-loving guy, but I love to
watch good war movies. I was just watching
Mel Gibson's We Were Soldiers Once, and Young.
It is about the first Air Calvary's first battle
with the Vietnamese in the Ia Drang Valley.

... the message of the movie is
"hate war, but love the soldier"

... I understand that. The way men will face
extreme suffering and death in order to
defend their soldier brethren is worthy
of great respect.

... an interesting fact in the movie is
that the number one phrase uttered by
dying soldiers is "tell my wife I love her".

... I can't understand that

... I no longer feel chivalry towards
modern women, they are the equals of men, right?
Painted faces riding around in cars.
So why should I die for them?

... who I do feel sorry for is the indiginous
American Indian, whose lands and lifes were
taken by my ancestors

... I am amazed that the true history of the
Indian Wars is kept hidden from Americans.

... but this is just another reason that
I am not afraid to die, we live in this
Big Lie about our American Exceptionalism.

... the only thing that allows me to smile
as a mad man, is the knowledge that when I
do die, I'm leaving earth

... I offer my respect to Prabhupada for
solidifying that understanding

... this may be my last book entry, as
things are so muddled in the world, and
in my mind, that it is best I keep quiet

... so Krishna, if you are really out there,
I look forward to experiencing your prescence
and complete rule

... if not, give me eternal sleep

no copyright, 2018 by zentara
If it is the last words I utter, let it be Hare Krishna