homage to my long gone father




... I got to take my infrequent trip into town yesterday,
to do my shopping

... it was at a bio-rythm highpoint as there was just a full
moon, it is almost the summer solstice, the garden is pumping
out juicy cucumbers, and there was some relief from the drought
in our area, with heavy rains .... rain is always sexy, as water is life

... at the stores, I saw some very beautiful women, and all
I could think of is what nice babies they would make, or at least
how nice it would be to have sex with them :-)

... I think my destiny was to more than a father, I was destined
for release from the planet, but I needed this life to achieve it

... but I never would have gotten this opportunity, if it wasn't for
my dad

... my good ole dad, who just worked long grinding hours on the assembly
lines, to give his family, what was then, a middle class life
... it was probably considered lower-middle class, but everyone else
in the neighborhood, all the victors from World War 2, were in the
same condition.... so it was cool... we were all equals

... the daily grind, combined with an unhappy marriage, pushed my dad into
alcoholism, and eventually he drifted into the honky-tonk bar scene, where
in his mind, he had 20 years of good partying before he died from the
consequences of living that lifestyle
... I'm grateful he had that bit of "good times" before he passed

... his ashes were scattered off of Pike's Peak, and I hope he
made it into heaven

... if God has been waiting for me to fill out my report on my dad,
before judging him, I say "let him in God", that man did alot of suffering for us.


... on NPR, they recently had a segment, trying to come up with a reason
for the Y chromosome ... because as many women claim, who needs men?
... the answer they came up with, is the male gives the female a better
chance for survival
... that is probably true from a scientific evolutionary point of view,
but I see it all as karma, and souls needing to come into the world
cause certain people just to make babies .... it's the Tao

... well, for the most part, our family was disfunctional, but
we all basically have made it, in the sense that we all have attained
a higher conciousness, so we are spiritual successes
... and the disfuntionality really wasn't my father's fault, he loved
all his kids


... my father's most important advice, which he often emphasized, is
never give up on your dream
... how he knew that it was important to maintain your dream, I don't
know... maybe it's just a Y chromosome thing, where male minds tend to
drift toward imaginary spaces, rather than nesting like a female

... maybe the dream is a psychosomatic link, which helps maintain
the body, thru mind over matter control thru the chromosomes?

... all I can say is thanks dad, wherever you are


... getting back to the beautiful women I saw yesterday, I wonder
if my generation was the last to get thru life's gauntlet, with maximum
freedoms and plentiful cheap food ?

... I mean, the economy is in shambles, the global climate and population
outlook is very menacing, and I wonder:
is my lack of desire to make babies indicative of what awaits
the future generations
?

... there may not be enough time left for my children, in the sense
that I don't want any children of mine suffering from what the near future may hold

... I guess fatherhood was not in my cards, as I may be the culmination of
my Y chromosome's trans-generational struggle for release from the
material world

... but some non-baby-making sex sure would be good ;-)



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2011 by zentara